Monday, August 31, 2015

Re-direction to my main websites

I have stopped posting for this blog. If you are interested in my work, check out my website
my Trauma Recovery Blog, or my ramblings about challenges of getting older.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Carnival Edition February 2010: Self-Love

Welcome to the February 2010 edition of recovery from childhood sexual abuse. This month's theme is "Self-Love". I hope you find some great information and some good ideas in the following blog-posts. To read the full article in their orignial please click on the highlighted link. Thanks everyone for their contribution.

Resolving Resolutions: How Will You Begin the New Year? posted at Dr. Kathleen Young: Treating Trauma in Chicago. Dr. Young presents a lovely post about a new form of 'resolution' that involves self love.

Forgiveness posted at Multiple Voices, saying Forgiveness is an interesting issue and readers have commented lots on posts touching on forgiveness (see comments here). It seems that to forgive is very difficult.

Edelweiss: My Anthem posted at Mind Parts, saying, "Thank you for the carnival. I've been mildly involved with the "Carnival Against Child Abuse" and hosting next month's, and in the process found yours. For some reason I had always thought they were one and the same. What I just posted recently is exactly along the lines of your theme of "Self Love" this month. Hope you enjoy it. Paul."

When does avoidance become Self Care? posted at Multiple Voices, saying ...avoidance is not something a bunch of avoidant people came up with to legalise avoidance. It’s a human condition to assure survival and the integrity of one’s body and mind. That’s why we don’t walk on hot coals every day – unless we want to demonstrate to our self and others that we are capable of great courage and can overcome our fears.

Female Sex Offenders and their victims- Reference materials and scholarly papers posted at What about when MOM is the abuser?, saying, "A listing of all the research available on this topic which I hope may be of help".

How to have a happy childhood posted at Multiple Voices, saying ...having a happy childhood means that you take time to cater for the child-ego states. Allow the ‘free child’ within to have room to live and be expressed. That can happen most fully when you deal with yourself and your needs and wishes with the stance a caring, nurturing parent would have.

Hugs posted at Shattered into one piece, saying, "This is the self-love that I discovered as a small child and how I attempted to fill the holes that abuse and neglect left."

Becoming your own best friend posted at Multiple Voices, saying ...There comes a time in everyone's recovery - whether you are a multiple or a singleton - where you have to become your own best friend. It always amazes me to see how much head ache is caused by the fact that survivors of sexual abuse go way out of their way to 'be there for others', helping family, friends, neighbours, or colleagues while they run out of time to attend to their own needs.

About Angela Shelton posted at Comments on: About Angela, saying, "I thought I would share this ladies blog with you. Her survivor manual is awesome and is mostly video's of her speaking at different places. There is one speech that she did to a bunch of girls in a detention centre and she talked about how we self abuse and our language to ward ourselves. I find this lady very inspirational and all her tools are awesome and have helped me heaps. She talks about our hurt and pain being a sword peirced through our stomach and she has a warrior workbook that helps you to take out the sword, heal the wound and use your sword to be a warrior and use what has once broken you for good."

Self Love posted at Multiple Voices, saying ... For DID clients COMING TOGETHER depended on establishing a caring and trusting relationship with their different personality parts. After therapists have modeled appreciation for the originally positive intention and helping nature of the different parts of the client’s personality, they had to do that for themselves.

Courage in Patience - Interview with Author Beth Fehlbaum posted at ZenTactics - Child Abuse Recovery, saying, "An interview with Courage in Patience author Beth Fehlbaum. A must-read for anyone who is trying to heal from child abuse."

That concludes this edition. Next month's carnival is covering MEMORIES. Readers have the opportunity to submit articles that cover the importance of memories in their recovery, how to deal with the flooding of memories, and the issues that arise when people experience a lack of memories.

Submit your blog article to the next edition of
recovery from childhood sexual  using our  carnival submission form.
Past posts and future hosts can be found on our  blog carnival index page.
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Monday, January 4, 2010

Carnival Edition January 2010: The Therapeutic Relationship

Welcome to the January 2010 Edition of "Recovery From Sexual Abuse" Blog Carnival. This edition is dedicated to exploring the therapeutic relationship. Even though most therapeutic models and theories subscribe to the notion that the therapeutic relationship is the most important aspect that leads to recovery and positive outcome in therapy/counselling, there is little written about the WHY and the HOW. Inspite of the collective wisdom of the therapeutic community, funding agencies, insurance companies, and governmental mental health providers continue to emphasise and search for the most effective techniques and interventions. Hence the Evidence Based Practice hysteria that has captured the minds of many health funding administrators on a global scale in the desperate attempt to find something that is better measurable than something as elusive as the therapeutic relationship.

This edition proudly presents some of the writings that might answer some questions and shed some light into this delicate issue. To read the full article click on the links to go to the original posts.

The Healing Begins posted at Reunited Selves saying: I had been wandering in the dark for much too long. When the door finally opened enough to let in a little light, what I saw was too ugly to look at. I closed my eyes, turned away, and hid for weeks on end.

Dissociation, DNMS, and the Demon Inside posted at Reunited Selves saying: With the help of my resources, my email connection with C, and a fair amount of ativan, I made it through the rest of the family weekend. I was relieved when it was over, which made me sad. I didn’t want being with my family to be so stressful that I felt as if I was barely making it through.

Obsession: Part One posted at Reunited Selves saying: I began to behave in ways that I knew were not going to be helpful to my recovery. I would send him emails just to get a response. I would feel very excited as I drove to my appointments and very let down as I drove away. I imagined giving him gifts.

Strong Feelings of Connection in Therapy posted at Mulitple Voices saying: "I don't understand how it is that I (and so many others I assume), can feel such a strong connection to a therapist when we only see each other one hour a week. There is nothing I have read that says this is or is not healthy and I find that the connection really bothers me. I don't understand it and I can't seem to accept that it is healthy given the circumstance that I am actually an adult".
My therapeutic relationship may be toxic posted at Psych Central saying: I am 24 years old and I have been seeing the same shrink on and off for ten years. A month ago I admitted to him that I was sexually attracted to him. He admitted that he was sexually attracted to me too, and that he likes me. But he has very clear boundaries and given our history, a sexual relationship wouldn't 'sit well' with him.
Can Therapy Really Change Your Brain? posted at Psych Central. This interesting article explores research that indicates how the therapeutic relationship impacts on the brain and its structure.
Therapeutic Relationship posted at Writing in the Margins of my Mind saying: My now not-so-current therapist was the first person with whom I've really understood the importance of the therapeutic relationship. Psychoanalytic therapy places a lot of emphasis on the transference, the interaction between therapist and client and how this can relate to relationships in the patients life or subconscious.
I want happiness ... wait, no... posted at Meira Shupack saying: The tea-shop customer is reaching out in the midst of his anxiety; this instinct is a major key to his feeling better. We try this initially with our earliest caregivers (reaching for a parent's leg when scared, for example); this urge is a fundamental component of mammal behaviour.
Thank You posted at My body/His Temple saying: I walked into my last therapy session today, totally broken. I was grieving, confused, scared, frustrated, and angry. I just wasn't ready to be on my own. The moment we started talking I broke down. I just retreated back to my own world, and for nearly 10 minutes I just sobbed, sobbed, and sobbed.
Why do you need a therapist anyway? posted at discussing dissociation saying: There have been some interesting discussions and comments from various trauma survivors about how much their therapists have meant to them. These readers have shared some very tender moments with their therapists and have openly talked about the depth of their heart-warming connections and healing moments.
Finding the right therapist posted at Multiple Voices saying: How do you know that you have found the right therapist or counsellor? Wouldn’t it be ideal to have a check-list that you can tick off when you set out to find a therapist? Sadly, it doesn’t work like that. I spent years of researching how services shape the recovery from sexual abuse; and here is what I found out:

Relationship's Role in the Treatment of DID posted at Multiple Voices saying: I listened to a counsellor who talked about ‘using’ the therapeutic relationship in this and the other way. It sounded like the therapeutic relationship was a shovel in the corner of the counsellors room, which ever now and so often was picked up and ‘used’ to hit the client therapeutically.

Sexual Abuse In India
Our Little Secret posted at The Viewspaper Even though this submission is not about the therapeutic relationship it is included here as a moving account of the experience of sexual abuse of a young girl in India: The first time it happened, she was rooted in her place, unable to move, shocked into submission. She didn’t protest, by words or gestures. She just stared into the ground, unseeing. He was saying something to her but she couldn’t comprehend his words. She didn’t know what to do. So she just stayed there.

That concludes this edition. The February edition of this carnival will be dedicated to exploring the issue of the importance of SELF LOVE in the recovery from sexual abuse. Submit your blog article to the next edition of recovery from childhood sexual abuse using our
carnival submission form.

Past posts and future hosts can be found on our
blog carnival index page.

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Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Upcoming Edition February 2010 Explores SELF LOVE

The upcoming edition of the Blog Carnival "Recovery from sexual abuse" will cover SELF LOVE as an important aspect of recovery and healing. Contributions are invited that explore the meaning and importance of self love, the difficulties people encounter in their attempt to love all parts of themselve, and how they achieve self love. Follow this link to post your contribution. You can nominate an interesting blog article you've read somewhere or one you've wrote yourself.

Friday, August 7, 2009

Carnival Edition August: Mother Issues

Welcome to the August 5, 2009 edition of recovery from childhood sexual abuse. This edition explores MOTHER ISSUES as they emerge in the context of sexual abuse. There has been an exciting variety of blog posts submitted. As always, thank you to those who have taken the time to submit a post.

KathyBroady LCSW presents Mothers and Mother’s Day for Trauma Survivors « Discussing Dissociation posted at Discussing Dissociation, saying, for dissociative trauma survivors, Mother’s Day is often a painful time. For survivors with dissociative identity disorder, mother issues are usually complex and difficult to sort out. Momma-trauma comes in a variety of forms. For some survivors, their mothers were simply not there to protect them from the violent abuse of the father or other sadistic family members. These mothers were away at work, or away at the hospital, or too ill to tend properly to their children, or divorced from the fathers and living in separate homes, etc. Many of these mothers love their kids dearly, but still were unable to protect their children from trauma and abuse.

KathyBroady LCSW presents Protective Mothers that Fight for their Children « Discussing Dissociation posted at Discussing Dissociation, saying, This blog article is a tribute to the mothers out there in the world that have spent huge chunks of their lives fighting for the safety / healing of their children. These women are incredible spirits and are an inspiration to us all. I know mothers who have absolutely gone the distance for their children. These women don’t get thanked often, but I do want to let them know that they are appreciated, recognized and deeply valued.

Trish Kinney presents The Dream posted at Trish Kinney, saying, "My blog is a companion to my book, Silver Platter Girl, a memoir about being raised in a sexually abusive environment and eventually "getting sick to get well". It explores the adult ramifications of childhood sexual abuse, the benefits of knowing and telling your own story, and the profound connection between abuse/trauma and physical illness. I am starting a national PR campaign in mid-July with my book and intend to open a dialogue about truth and healing and the physical effects of abuse and trauma. Dr Bernie Siegel (Love, Medicine and Miracles) was my mentor and taught me to love myself through my highly symbolic abuse induced cancer experience. We have the ability to heal within ourselves. My book tells how I did it. While each of our stories is unique, we all share a common bond. So sharing is what I have done in my book and I left nothing out. Let's all stand up for ourselves individually and collectively. Trish Kinney"

Kellen Von Houser presents Self Care posted at Kellevision, saying, "Self Care ideas for survivors of abuse or trauma." Although the topic this months has been 'mothers' I really liked Kellen's blogpost about self-care. It's simple, it's to the point, and very worthwhile reading. :)

Utah Mother Breaks Silence About Her Son's Sexual Abuse By Female Teacher posted at Priest Abuse and Clergy Sexual Abuse Information, saying, "After years of silence, a Utah mother said its time to talk about the pain her entire family still endures after her 16-year-old son was sexually abused by a high school teacher in the Salt Lake Valley. The crime happened almost four years ago and her son is now 20-years-old, but she said he still suffers. He is not the same son. I feel like IThT grieve my son every day ".

The Sexual Abuse of a Liar posted at New Jersey Moms Blog saying, "It will never happen to my child! That is one of those lines that I hate hearing from a mother- a line that is filled with ignorance, denial and just plain stupidity. Sexual abuse can happen to any child anywhere, anytime by anyone. How do I know?  I am one of those children, not only was I abused but when I confronted my family as an adult about it - I was called a liar".

Everyday Heroes: Mom Stands up for Disabled Daughter posted at Powerupmama saying, "The good news is that there are special parents like the one in this story who hear the most horrendous stories from their children and find within themselves the courage to believe and support them. Look at the web of lies this criminal spun around this child. How he won the trust of her family and tried to use her cognitive difficulties against her. And look how this family worked together to stop the abuse and restore a sense of self-respect and trust to this girl.V. and family, we salute you. May you continue to see the fruits of your courage in the face of deception".

Male Sexual Abuse Victims of Female Perpetrators posted at Silly Thoughts saying, "The reality that boys are sexually abused by women is not widely accepted. Some people view it as an impossible act - that a male can’t be sexually assaulted by a female - and others view it as sexually titillating. The existence of female perpetrators and male victims confronts many of our most firmly held beliefs about women, men, sexuality, power, and sexual assault. It challenges our very notions about what sex is".

Moms Need Support: Child Sexual Abuse Hits Home posted at Abuse-Recovery.Suite101 saying, "More often than not, mothers of children who have disclosed sexual abuse have family members and friends ask: “How could you have not seen changes in your child?” These words act as a weapon and crush an already fragile emotional state".

What to do if your child tells you they have been sexually abused posted at Imaginif saying, "Child sexual assault is against the law. Don’t keep it to yourself. First, believe your child and then TELL someone in a position to help you. Telling about child sexual abuse helps to end the prevalence figure of one in three. Child sexual abuse WILL CONTINUE if we don’t all take responsibility and tell someone when it has occurred. Tell the school principal, your local doctor, the police, a friend, the local Welfare agency".

Can I trade My Mother? posted at Inside Voices saying, "I’m having a difficult moment.  The day has been really rough. This is really the most present day I’ve had since last Tuesday and right now I’m trying to just find that little hiding niche right now because I’m just so exhausted from today.  The last few minutes have been really difficult due to mom issues".

The Ties That Bind posted at Secret Shadows saying, "All of us have parents. If we are lucky we are born to parents who love us and cherish us. If we’re lucky, we grow up being supported and challenged, cuddled and nudged, cared for and loved. If we’re lucky, we experience unconditional acceptance, and though we will inevitably disappoint and push our parents, we are still special and loved in their eyes.

A Systematic Breaking Of The Spirit posted at Survivors Can Thrive saying, "I'm going through the "Realization Stage"--Yeah, I get it. This happened to me. And it really felt that bad.--on several counts. One is that it was very systematic, my parents' way of breaking my spirit. And, although I was not abused by members of a cult, my parents did utilize some brain washing, mind control-type techniques".

That concludes this edition. I hope you found something worthwhile reading in the above contributions. Maybe you feel encouraged to start your own blog and become part of the growing number of people who suffered sexual abuse and are no longer willing to keep the shroud of silence over the shameful acts of their abuser(s).

The next edition - deadline is the 5th of September - is dedicated to the topic of ANGER.
Submit your blog article to the next edition of recovery from childhood sexual abuse
using our carnival submission form.

Friday, July 3, 2009

Carnival July 2009, The Body

Welcome to the July 5, 2009 edition of recovery from childhood sexual abuse. This edition explores the impact sexual abuse has on the body and on people's body image. There has been an exciting variety of blog posts submitted. As always, thank you to those who have taken the time to submit a post. How sexual abuse impacts on the body seems to be one of the issues that people don't pay a lot of attention to. I wonder, could it be the generally distorted relationship people have with their body? Be it as it may, I trust that you will find interesting information in this edition. For the full-length posts click on each title-link. I'd love to hear what you think!

Our Little Secret posted at The Viewspaper » The Viewspaper. saying: The first time it happened, she was rooted in her place, unable to move, shocked into submission. She didn’t protest, by words or gestures. She just stared into the ground, unseeing. He was saying something to her but she couldn’t comprehend his words. She didn’t know what to do. So she just stayed there.

The Impact of Trauma; Dr. Kathleen Young: Treating Trauma in Chicago posted at Dr. Kathleen Young: Treating Trauma in Chicago. saying: Now I’d like to elaborate on it’s impact and why you might want to seek therapy for help in the aftermath of traumatic experiences. How does it impact a person and what can be done about it? Trauma impacts many and has further reaching consequences than is usually understood.

The Body Pays The Price posted at Multiple Voices, saying: Leonie was very tired. Her shoulders have dropped and her head had fallen forward resting on her chest. Unable to muster the strength needed for balancing her head upright on her fatigued body, Leonie feels the floor opening and becoming a vortex inviting her into the never ending downwards spiral. She hears a seductive whisper beckoning her to succumb, “Let go, let go. You have fought long enough. You can rest now!”

DID and the Body: Driving a Courtesy Car posted at Multiple Voices, saying: Whenever I bring my car to the garage for service I have to ‘play it right’ to get a courtesy car. I can’t just go and be sure to have one given to me. The usual answer is “…sorry madam, there are no cars left.” I have to put myself into the shoes of the car people to get a courtesy car. For example, I walk around their cars for sale and let drop in passing that I am starting to look for a new car. I usually also mention that “…this is my third car I bought from you people”. More often than not, that’ll get me a courtesy car.

Body Image Acceptance: Operation Beautiful, posted at Dr. Kathleen Young: Treating Trauma in Chicago, saying: Every now and then I stumble upon a resource or an idea so great I cannot wait to share it with others. Operation Beautiful is such an idea. The mission: Post encouraging notes in public places for other women to find. Negative body messages are everywhere. We are so inundated that many internalize and have a constant body critique running in their heads.

The Impact of Abuse, posted at Multiple Voices, saying: The trauma of sexual abuse is most harmful to a person’s self-development because it signifies the severing of intersubjective connections with caring others. Honneth (1995b, p. 132) understands sexual abuse as the withholding of recognition through love that deprives a person of “…The successful integration of physical and emotional qualities [which are] subsequently broken up from the outside, thus lastingly destroying the most fundamental form of practical relations-to-self, namely, one’s underlying trust in oneself”.

My body belongs to me: Review posted at Momma's Gone Over the Wall, saying: Some of you may know that I went to college for Social Work. In order to complete my degree, I chose to do my internship at a local rape crisis/sexual assault center. Part of my work included counseling, going along to medical appointments, and offering support in court. Over and over, I found myself working with children, and it broke my heart. Here I was, a mom, seeing the hurt on these little kids' faces. It terrified me.

Stacey's Story: posted at Survivor Moms Speak Out, saying: While practicing full-time as a community-based midwife, I had the opportunity to work with many women who were survivors, either of childhood sexual trauma, rape, or both. The experience of being their midwife, and witnessing their challenges and triumphs encouraged me to learn more about the effects of trauma on the body, and on the experience of childbearing specifically.

Child Abuse casts a shadow the length of a lifetime, posted at Moody Monica, saying:There are many forms of abuse…but the result is the same- serious physical or emotional harm. Physical or sexual abuse may be the most striking types of abuse…since they often unfortunately leave physical evidence behind.

Stress Can Be Bad For Your Body, posted at Gudrun Frerichs.Com saying: Chronic stress can lead to a number of behavioural changes and physical health problems. When a person is subjected to stress the body responds with activating the neuro-hormone ‘Corticotrophin Releasing Factor’ (CRF). In the case of chronic stress this release is increasing in length and volume in areas of the brain associated with fear and emotion.

What's the big, fat deal about body image? posted at Blogging Therapy, saying: When you look at your body in the mirror, two things occur. First, you see the body’s physical structure; its size, shape, texture, curves, and nuances – great and small. Then comes the part that’s hard to control – the thoughts and comments that swirl about our brains concerning the body in that mirror. Oh man, can those cause trouble! It’s usually at this point when most of us look at our bodies and berate ourselves for not having that flat stomach, or shapely thighs and buttocks, or taut breasts and biceps that many of us crave.

Prevent Your Child From Being Sexually Abused posted at No More Hurt, saying: A primary goal in the prevention of sexual abuse is educating children about educating children about personal safety. Many parents feel uncomfortable discussing sexual abuse with their children. That’s normal. But by talking to your children about personal safety and private parts, the issue of sexual abuse becomes less threatening.

Body Memories: The Body Remembering posted at Discussing Dissociation, saying: In the television show “One Life To Live” — Bess tried to rescue Jessica one more time by taking baby Chloe and going on the run. Their secret had gotten out — baby Chloe belonged to someone else and the dear little one was not Jessica’s baby at all. Tess was angry with Bess for trying this last stunt. Every time Bess looked in the mirror, she would see Tess’s angry face making comments to her. Tess had plenty to say — she was not at all impressed with Bess.

Change Your Mood With Your Body posted at Gudrun Frerichs.Com, saying: One thing is sure there are a whole lot of depressed people in this world. You can easily spot them when you observe people while sitting at the beach, waiting for the next bus, or sipping a wonderfully brewed Moccacino. They usually are walking hesitantly rather than striding confidently, avoiding looking at people, slouching with their upper body, having an earnest face or frown, and staring at the ground. The body expresses the person’s inner state and, equally, perpetuating it.

That concludes this edition. While you are on the blog-carnival homepage, have a look through earlier editions. The August edition will explore how survivors deal with/ feel about their Mothers. I am looking forward to your contributions

Submit your blog article to the next edition of recovery from childhood sexual abuse using our carnival submission form. Past posts and future hosts can be found on our blog carnival index page.

Friday, June 26, 2009

Blog Carnival "Recovery From Sexual Abuse"

The Blog Carnival "Recovery From Sexual Abuse" comes out in the first week of every month. We usually have a specific theme under which we invite contributions from our readers. These contributions can be your own posts from your blog or posts you have found on the web that you found helpful and/or useful for understanding sexual abuse and the recovery from sexual abuse.

The aim is to increase the awareness about the struggle and the hurt that is caused by sexual abuse. You can submit your post by following this link